trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
