just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
