I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
pop tarts are not kleenex
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
