dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
