he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She even gives head with a lisp.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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