okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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