duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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