shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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