I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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