u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
