I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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