there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
