At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
