i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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