we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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