What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
