Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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