so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
