Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
