my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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