I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
honey bunches of taint.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come share oat with me in your robe
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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