More tranny stories later!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
