a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
