road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
