Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
