it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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