No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
