where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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