I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
