Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
