the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
