why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
