Your face is a jimmy john
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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