At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
