I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
