i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
