I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
