I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
