we have officially lost it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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