Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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