9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
