i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
