My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
