how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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