My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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