I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
