You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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