i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
