I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
