i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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