P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
