we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
