If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
